Two weeks in and still alive

It’s been two weeks since I started this diet. So far so good! I mean, I caught the start of the zombie plague last week and managed to produce more snot that I thought was humanly possible, coupled with a TB like cough, and an inner ear infection that made walking a game of chance. All while also having company for the week. Hooray! Thankfully my guest were old friends who know better than to have high standards for me to meet.

I’ve lost about 20 pounds in 15 days. I’ve added walking the she-beast for thirty minutes. She-beast is my preferred term for the 85 pound idiot we adopted. She’s quite possibly the dumbest smart dog ever to exist. I think we got the “special” one. I also drink my magic water, water I add drops of magic stuff to that makes me lose weight and have energy. It’s not really magic stuff, it’s minerals and stuff, but it makes me drink it like it will make me into a less-fabulous version of Angelina Jolie. Magic.

I’ve peopled and adulted a lot this week, considering I thought I was turning into a zombie last week. Adulting is hard but someone’s got to do it. The only thing I want is a big bowl of granola! I want it like a fat girl wants all you can eat Chinese food. Mmmmmmm granola…. When this is all over in 24 days, I’m going to eat some granola. Maybe a whole box. But I’ll use Almond Milk so it won’t be so unhealthy, that counts right?

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NutraMost-ly not hungry

I have started the NutraMost diet as of yesterday.  As crazy as it sounds, as expensive as it is.  I signed up thinking it was a great idea at the time.  I still think it’s a great idea but I’m only in day 2 which is actually the first REAL day of the diet.  What is NutraMost?  My description will not come close to making sense or doing justice to those who took many years developing it but I’ll give the Reader’s Digest version.

  1. Doctor (mostly Chiropractor so don’t be thinking this is someone who went to med school just to do this program but don’t cringe okay?) monitored, Biofeedback-based program that relies on liquid “supplements” to reset the body’s endocrine system.
  2. Supplement is not really what they give you but its the best description for what I call “my magic potions”.  Little bottles of liquid awesomeness that are mixed specifically for me and my body.
  3. Why the endocrine system? I have no idea…I know they explained it to me.  I really was trying really hard to pay attention.  But I sort of remember being totally distracted by my doctor’s (Chiropractor) cough drop.

So there is the basic idea of the program.  Oh yeah, and you only get to eat 500 calories a day.  No sugar.  No starches.  No oil.  No butter.  No no no no.  It’s easier to explain what one can eat than what one can’t.  I get 3 oz of protein (Beef, chicken, white fish, buffalo, various shellfish, and Veal) twice a day with a pile of vegetables (cucumber, celery, chard, spinach, lettuce, tomato, onion, cabbage).  I also get 2 fruits a day (apple, orange, strawberries are my choices thus far).  As long as it doesn’t go over 500 calories.

And you can’t come in contact with any oils either.  So no make up with oil, no shampoo with oil, no conditioner with oil, no deodorant, toothpaste, soap etc.  I smell like a man man baby yeah….There weren’t any women’s deodorants allowed and my  doctor’ office was out of their “specially designed” product.  Hooray for Bare Minerals since basically the whole line of pigments is oil-free.

So yeah.  That’s what I’m doing.  The bigger question most people have is “why”?  Well…the program touts 40 pounds loss in 40 days.  Don’t freak out about how “that’s not healthy!” or “that’s not maintainable!”…shush you nay sayers.  Remember, doctor (okay fine, Chiropractor) supervised.  Seriously though, people who’ve done the program swear by it and the reason I’m doing this is because of one such individual who works alongside my husband and lost 35 pounds in 32 days.  Having witnessed it himself, my husband was adamant I look into it.  So reason number 1, I’m kind of vain and want to look hot.  Reason number 2, and way more important, I’m a Type 1 diabetic and am tired of living on insulin to support my horrible eating habits.  I’ve heard of Type 1’s who use so little external insulin that they only take one small shot a day.  Hot Damn!  That’d be amazeballz.  Off my insulin pump? Sign me up for 3 oz of animal and a pile o’ grass.

I’m walking this walk for 40 days…I’m not quitting because my husband would probably kill me if I did because this program is so damn expensive.  But I also know I’m not quitting because I can see how amazing my life can be if I live it as a healthy person.  Cheers to my next 35 years of healthy living.

I need a redo

I’m being born again on the 9th of April.  My physical birthday is the 4th of April but that’s not important anymore.  I need a redo…a reset of who I am.  I am a 35-year-old female.  Wife. Mom. Trained mental health and addictions counselor.  Type 1 diabetic.  Homemaker extraordinaire.  Very loved by my family but confused as to why.  The negative voice in my head tells me my worth.  Not the positive voices that surround me in the real world and tell me how pretty I am, that I’m a good mom, that I’m a good wife, a good friend. and that I am worth something.  I get none of that through the noise in my head.  The noise in my head says I’m fat, lazy, worthless, not as good as others, not a good enough mother, generally not good enough period.

I’m tired of feeling inferior to the rest of the world.  I am tired of hearing the negative in my head.  I’m just tired.

I’ve decided to do something rather drastic…and expensive…but it will be the reset my body needs and my mind can use as a catalyst to feed some positivity into all that bleakness.  We all have baggage our parents or guardians have passed on to us through our childhood.  Some of us have heavier baggage than others, but we are all shaped by those experiences.  In my case I inherited the negative voice of “Not good enough” and “Not perfect”.   I know where it comes from…former metal health practitioner that I am.  Now its time to deal with how to move forward.  Can’t fix the past but you can sure as hell make your own tomorrow.

I start a hormone reset on the 9th.  Full endocrine reboot.  I’m paying through the nose for it but I think it’ll be worth it to get my blood glucose levels back under control.  I’m a diabetic for life baby so maybe I should stop eating shit I know I shouldn’t eat?  Just call me Sherlock.  For every day I eat sugar and I let my BG levels go crazy, I’m taking a year off my life.  At this rate I’ll be lucky to make it to 60.  Anytime someone offers me something I know I’m not suppose to eat, that they know I’m not suppose to eat, I have to draw that line in the sand and say “I’m sorry, I can’t eat that. But thanks for trying to kill me”.  Yeah, my parents don’t even register I’m a diabetic.  They love giving me candy and chocolate.  Cupcakes and cookies.  Rarely is it sugar-free.  I think it’s because I’m an idiot and just take it.  But no, that’s the negative voice.  The truth is that when people care about you, they want to keep you around a bit longer.  Why offer someone poison?  No, my parents don’t hate me.  They’re just flipping clueless as to what being a diabetic means.  I’m working on my big girl voice and using my big girl words to say ‘no”. Say “no” to drugs…even if those drugs are super tasty carb bombs covered in delicious.

So here’s to the beginning of the next 35 years on this planet being more peaceful, healthful, and thankful. Peaceful with the knowledge my family upbringing wasn’t perfect but I can’t hold grudges for mistakes, no one is perfect including my parents.  Living my life from this day forward as full of life and health as possible so I can be here a bit longer and be the best person I can be for my family.  Being thankful for what I am, who I am, and what I have.  When you’re thankful for what you have, you can’t be so negative about all the little annoying things.

It’ll be interesting how this journey goes but I’m excited to look back at where I started.